Bucket List Planning Before 50

Italy or Bust! 

The day my youngest daughter crossed the stage to receive her high school diploma was the day that I started planning my bucket list.   An emotional day it was, as I realized that everything that I had known for the past 20 years was about to change.  Raising my two kids was an amazing journey, one that I enjoyed every step of the way.  To wallow in self-pity that I was being left alone was an option…until the realization set in that now, after 20 years, I could focus on making things that I only dreamed of a reality.  This was a good feeling!  First thing on the bucket list was completing my education that I left hanging 20 years ago. It was terrifying showing up for that first night of class, and as I moved through the semester, I questioned if it was going to be worth the amount of time and money I was committing to it, in addition to the doubt that I was going to be able to be successful.   

Rome Colosseum. by Martha Bakerjian

As I finished up my first semester, I made a deal with myself that if I finished the degree before I turned 50, the next thing on the list would be a trip to Italy.   Graduation is scheduled for August 2015, which is when I will officially start planning for the two week trip of my dreams (see Italy Planning Travel Guide).  

It may seem extravagant to some, or irresponsible as retirement planning is an everyday concern as I try to manage on a single income.  But my thoughts are this….life is unpredictable.  There is no guarantee that the person I am today will be the person I may be tomorrow.  Many unexpected losses of friends and family members who left too young without a lot of warning provided the silver lining messages that were slapping me right in the face….  

Live in the Moment....Live Life to the Fullest...Embrace Those You Love...Everyday is a Blessing!

Parent vs. Advisor: Learning to Communicate with Your College Student

I recently started watching the show "The Goldbergs" and found it very entertaining that they refer to the lady of the house as "Smother."  This show is based on a true family living in the 80s, but in reality, it was not the norm for a parent to be so involved in their children's business back then.  I was a teenager during the 80s and can hardly remember most of my friends parents even being around, let along showing up at high school with a forgotten lunch.  We had an unbelievable amount of freedom and quite frankly, only informed our parents about our lives on a "need to know" basis.  Can you imagine what Smother Goldberg could have done with the use of iPhones and social media tools that are available today?  

Cell phones, text messaging and Facebook allows parents far more tracking opportunities than were available even five years ago.  Not only can we stay in constant contact with our kids, but chances are, you are friends with your kids friends parents, who also have formed a little mini society of the flow of information using these same tools.  But once your kid leaves for college, communications are disrupted.  They now have control of what you know. Adjusting to them being gone is a hard transition and next to missing them, not knowing the ins and outs of their everyday activity can make you crazy...only because we have conditioned ourselves to be that way in the first place.  Remember, our parents fared just fine without knowing our every move.  So how do you learn to communicate with your college kids without the smothering overuse of technology tools that we have grown so accustomed to?   

 

What To Do

I have learned through trial and error of sending the first one off that limiting the amount of questions and interrogations works to your advantage, as they are only going to tell you what they think you want to hear.   After they adjust to their new surroundings and the excitement wears off, they are more willing to start conversations and talk about their life happenings.  Sending care packages or mail usually sparks a "thank you" phone call that can present an opportunity to discuss classes or people they have met.   It is important to take these calls with an open mind approach and if there are signs that your college student is struggling or falling a little off track, a lecture is not in order, but rather a discussion of what options are available to them. 

What Not To Do

With their new found freedom, communications becomes even more challenging.  Limited the amount of times you reach out to them, but rather let them learn to reach out to you.  Kids today have their phones 24/7.  If they do not return your text or call, it is because they are choosing not too.  If you are constantly trying to contact them for unimportant reasons, they will soon learn to tune you out.  If your child even allows you to be friends on Facebook or Twitter, DO NOT STALK them.  Be discretionary of what you comment on and resist the urge to treat them as you would have when they were living at home.  If anything they post concerns you, have a private, face-to-face conversation with them to discuss the importance of the image they present on social media.  Posting negative comments on their site may cause them to block you or shut down the site all together.   This video may be a slight exaggeration, but the message is important.  Your college student has control of what you are allowed to know.

Basically, you have transitioned from being the parent to advisor, because after all, the goal here is to prepare your children to become adults that are responsible for their own decisions.    My youngest is now away at school and we are in constant communication as she loves to talk about her very full academic and social schedule.  She even tags me often on Facebook when she posts pictures in order to share.  I know that there is much she does not share, but respecting her privacy while maintaining an active listening presence has not only strengthened our relationship, but has given her the confidence she needs to transition into adulthood.  For more information, read How to Communicate with Your College Children.

  

Before You Call the Guy....Google It!

There is nothing more annoying than to be woken in the middle of the night to an annoying dripping sound coming from your bathroom or strange knocking sound coming from your refrigerator.  Being a single homeowner, I have had my shares of annoying little things that have broken down, but do not have the "fix-it" skills that seem to be part of the genetic make-up of my male counterpart.  I have also had my share of pushy service men that seem to never show up on time, or have the part they need, and often I am left feeling like I have been taking advantage, mostly because I do not know any better.  The final straw was drawn when I called a service man because the ice maker on my refrigerator was not working.  After showing up more than three hours past the scheduled time, the man laid down on my kitchen floor with a hair dryer and blew hot air into the a coil that apparently got iced up.  Less than 30 minutes later, he handed me back my blow dryer (yes, he had to borrow mine), I handed him a check for $150 and the refrigerator problem was fixed.  But I was not happy.  It was not the fault of this service man, he did what he was sent to do….fix my frig.  My unhappiness was due to my ignorance of not taking the time to do a little homework first before wasting my time, this guys time, and a lot of money. 

My toilet with a new wax ring!

For the do-it-yourselfer, calling "the guy" is like throwing money down the toilet!  And that was exactly what I was going to do when I had to have the wax ring replaced on my toilet.  Until it occurred to me to Google it, which led me to a YouTube video on Replace a Wax ToiletRing that provided me with a step-by-step guide on how to do it myself.   The project was a success and I saved about $250 doing it myself.  I have since fixed a leak in the garage refrigerator, replaced a fuse in my 14 year old dryer, and learned how to cut crown molding, ALL from the instructions found on Google and YouTube. 

Crown molding project

Now I do consider myself handy and I am comfortable using a hammer, so I am not nervous about tackling a problem that may be out of skill set.  I have had my failures.  Snaking basement drains is worth every penny of calling in the professional. But learning more about how things work and how to fix small projects not only gives me a sense of pride but makes me happy to use the money saved on something I really enjoy rather than giving it to "the guy." 

For all those single ladies looking for simple "fix it" tips, this site may do the trick.

Summer Social Living in Detroit

This is the time of year that cabin fever settles in and thoughts of warmer days ahead seem like months away.  My therapy to break through the shivers and couch potato tendencies is to start planning for summer activities.   

Photograph courtesy of Tyler Smith

One of my favorite places to be over the summer is Comerica Park.  Opening day for the Tigers is only five weeks away and I am counting down the days!  Many feel that baseball is a hard sport to enjoy because of the length of the games, but visiting the park has many more things to offer, including a terrific view of the city, good beer, and lots of amazing smelling foods.  It is also a great place to go on a date or hang with a group of friends.  But if baseball is really not your thing, Detroit has many other things to offer, including museums, theaters and trendy restaurants.   

The Bucharest Grill is home to the best Shararma chicken salad I have ever enjoyed and is located just two blocks from the park, or walking distance from the Fox, the Fillmore Theater, or Campus Martius.  For a more quiet and leisurely day, the Detroit Institute of Art is a perfect way to spend a Sunday morning, followed by a lovely brunch with unlimited mimosas at Cliff Bell's.   

Detroit is also a city to express your more active side.  Cycling is terrific exercise, as well as a great way to meet new people and explore new places.  City rides are quickly gaining popularity and Detroit has many opportunities to get involved.  Tour de Troit is a nonprofit organization that sponsors events all year long, including Monday evening rides through the city during the summer months.   

So hang tight my northern friends...spring is right around the corner.  Hopefully this post will inspire you to learn more about all of what Detroit has to offer for seeking summer fun.

Michigan Winter Survival 101

Trying to survive a winter in Michigan, especially if you do not like the snow and cold, is like trying like trying to scoop water with a tennis racket.  It is going to be difficult.  There are many things about winter that get real old as we reach the mid-way point of February, even for the hard core Michigander.  Your car is always covered in salt.  Pushing a shopping cart through a snow packed parking lot should be added to the agenda as a winter Olympic sport.  And the lack of outside activity can really make you feel frumpy and crabby.    

Marianne and I at Nub's Nob January 2015

So I made the decision, as I experience my first winter as a single, to head to the great north at least once a month for weekend getaways of skiing, hot totties and a warm hot tub.  If you can't beat the weather, then embrace it, right!  I am not going to lie, it is weird being there with a friend instead of my kids, who I adore, but who are always cold, tired, or hungry, even as adults!  What is different is the freedom to stay out longer if you want, or go into the lodge bar for a warm up, where it turns out, you can meet a lot of interesting people.  It is also a lot cheaper to pay for one lift ticket opposed to three and if you can go on non-prime days, skiing up north can be very affordable.  

Northern Michigan is a great place to get in amazing skiing. My second trip of the season was two weeks ago and skiing weather was perfect, 28 degrees and sunny!   We choose Nubs Nob since we hit Boyne Highlands just a few weeks before.  Boyne also has tubing and zip lining if you like that kind of thing, and is the home to largest hot tub in the state.  

So don't let yourself fall into a bad state of S.A.D. (Seasonal Attention Disorder).  Put a warm hat on and get out there and breath the air….it's refreshing!